7/07/2004

this will be the last time that i let you

i wanted it to read "so kiss me hard, cuz this will be the last time that i let you" but that was too long. even this is too long, but whatever.

after quite a bit of sloshing through crap and deceit, bob and i are totally over. like never speaking again over. i tried to be the mature person and end it in a nice way, but after i said the last bit i just blocked him. all 3 of his sns. i know he has loads more but that was an hour ago so he's not going to use them. and he didnt email me either. and i dont want him to, because it'll be mean and just make me mad.

i'm not even sad this time, and thats the good part. i know this is for the best. we simply didnt work. we're two different kinds of people, looking for two different things. and i wish him the best of luck in finding someone that meets every one of his ridiculously high standards, that can keep the whole thing a secret, and know exactly when something he's doing something that pisses bob off and can stop immediately. everythings a secret with him, and when he's mad it all comes out in the wrong way at the wrong time. its all a big game, and eventually you're going to lose, because bob is always right and everyone else sucks. he even makes his parents lose. they do everything for him. and he just bitches at them. i dont understand it! its not normal!

and the worst part is- and i wish him all the luck with this -he's never going to face the fact that he is GAY and no matter how much he tells himself that he can hide it, and that he might be bi he's going to stay the same way. and his friends will only get more mad at him over time, becuase the longer you wait to tell someone something like that, the more mad they are at you when you finally tell them. he didnt have to face US, but he's going to have to face himself. and his friends are going to have to face that too. and his parents. its not something thats going to go away, it'll get worse over time. so bob, do yourself a favor and stop hiding. stop kidding yourself and being somebody you're not. if some of your friends dont like it, they're not really your friends. and thats part of life.

i debobified my music, almost all the stuff he downloaded. i kept a few songs that i liked, emotion is dead, silver and cold, some stuff by garbage. but the rest is cold dead garbage (pardon the pun..if that is counted as a pun) and i dont think i'll ever get into that kind of stuff.

this is going to sound desperate, but i really wish there were more nice guys out there that arent fucked up on drugs and fucked up otherwise. i wish i could find someone thats right for me.

anyway. tommorow eileen's picking me up at 9:45ish and a big group of us is going to go see King Arthur at solomon. i left my mom a note upstairs (after cleaning up the kitchen a bit for her) asking for a 20, which i deserved since i've let 3 paychecks go into the bank without asking for my 20%. (which is $20, if you didnt know. so by now i'd have $60) so i hope that works out. otherwise i dont think i'll go, because i'm so sick of not having money and other people paying for me. as much as they dont care, and i know i wouldnt care either, it just makes me feel so horrible inside.

so anyway i'm pretty miserable tonight, not because of bob really but because of the mood it puts me in to talk to him. but i wont have to deal with that again. i'll find someone better, i deserve someone better.

my throat is still being mean but its not really as bad. webmd tells me to gargle hot salt water once every few hours, and thats what im gonna do. bah-leerg.

so its been a long day. sleep tight, chillunz

3 Comments:

Blogger Hideo Watanabe said...

Hope you enjoy/enjoyed the movie if you go/went to it. It looks awesome, I think. Hope your throat feels better real soon too:)

2:25 PM  
Blogger bobby said...

I need to talk to you I typed out this long assed thing and decided it would be inapproperiate to put in here and not its not putting you down its agreeing with you

2:20 AM  
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7:44 PM  

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