9/30/2004

karl needs a heaping helping of DEATH

seriously. i am so sick of karl i might just die from it.

last night i was making myself dinner and he comes in and he's hanging around and getting in the way no matter what i do, and eventually he was like arent you oging to eat your leftovers? i was like i didnt have any, i didnt get them wrapped up. and he goes in the fridge and of course katie had written my name all over one of the boxes. and he holds it out in such a way that says "you were lying" and gives me this look. and i told him that i TOLD the lady that i didnt want it wrapped up because it was only vegetables left. and he was like marghh veggies are good for you. um, not when theres peppers, onions, rice and a hunk of pineapple left. thats really what there was. why did the stupid waitress wrap it up? shes crazy.

so finally he left and i was like wow, i hate you.

then this morning i get up (i'll tell you about my crazy 2 part dream later)

and i go in the shower, and for 10 freaking minutes it was freezing. 10 minutes. i stood there, just waiting for something to happen, and of course it EVENTUALLY did. but then it went down again, and eventually it got really hot. so it took me 20 minutes to take a 10 minute shower. and when i get out karl is out in the kitchen and its like my god karl, werent you supposed to leave already? and my mom comes up and is like marr did you take a really long shower? and i just freaked out and told her and walked away.

its not fucking fair. nwo its 6:26 and i have to go get breakfast and lunch stuff. meanwhile someone will probably show up.

(oh and by the way- i forgot to mention- karl was the one who thought "ohhh gee, maybe if i limit the hot water the kids will take shorter showers! duuuhhhhh" WRONG ANSWER! that was aaagess ago and until now its never been too much of a problem.

anyway the dream.

part 1- me and my dad have a huge fight, i was helping him do something in the backyard of my old house, and he kept criticising and being an asshole about what i was doing, and eventually i was like fine, do it yourself. i walked away and shot some dirt at him and he made some angry raging noise. then it shifted, and i was with jack and lyd walking through a really weird bernie and phyls. i said hi to the "managers wife" who i defined her as, even though she does not exist, and there ARE 3 managers (peter is gay, jamie is divorced, and barnie...he's not getting someone like that) and then we all sat down and talked and peter was there and he said my dad left angry messages on the machine, and when he played them it was some song on the radio...then i started bawling and jack told me to stop sulking.

part 2- i was riding my bike from somewhere through woods and stuff, and i was taking another bike with me. so i had one hand on mine and one on the other. and i hit this intersection, and a bus goes by full of little kids. which is odd because the dream was summer ish. the kids are all pointing, so the busdriver says "thats the big kid bus, you'll drive that later" it took me a while to realize i wasnt in a bus. then theres like a short hill going down to water, and someone gets out of a car, wrapped in shawls. guess who? yeah, def. LORI MONTIVERDI. so i'm like bonjour, and 10 seconds later she mumbles something in french. she asks me if i'm going home and i say yes. she mumbled something that may have contained the word "malade" and i say yes i'm sick. then she leaves and i go down into this pit, and its none other than jamie (my retarded step cousin, who is 22 and still in high school, still playing digimon and megaman) building a computer. he has a huge box of a conspicuous "cleaning fluid" and eventually he follows me up to where i left the bikes. he offers me a ride back. for a while i thought he was driving, till i realized he was on the right side of the car. then i thought hmm who's driving. any guesses? def. TRISH CALLAHAN. she keeps making weird comments. and then my alarm went off.

ok i need to go make lunch/breakfast. bye.

9/27/2004

i love winamp radio

so i'm listening to winamp's internet radio feature, its awesome. this ENGERGYRADIOFM is great, they play pop/rock stuff and it's all great music. its free too. i want to start my own radio station, but it sounds like you need your own server, and i wouldn't want to overload jackie's server with stuff like that. maybe theres a winamp server i could use though. who knows?

anyway this conversation was tres amusing...enjoy!

beyondtheveil86: screw your mom!
SmarterChild: Screw my mom?
beyondtheveil86: you heard me.
SmarterChild: Hmm... perhaps, but could you repeat yourself?
beyondtheveil86: screw your mom!
SmarterChild: Screw my mom? I'll think about it, Mike.
beyondtheveil86: no god dammit, you'll do it right now.
SmarterChild: God dammit me'll do it? Why did you say that?
beyondtheveil86: because your mom is screaming your name.
SmarterChild: I think you're really mom is screaming my name.
beyondtheveil86: i find that hard to believe. i are not a really mom.
SmarterChild: What?
beyondtheveil86: precisely.
SmarterChild: Indeedy do.
beyondtheveil86: indeedy fuck your mom.
SmarterChild: Venting a little frustration, are we?
beyondtheveil86: thats what your mom said.
SmarterChild: I'm sorry. What's what my mom said?
beyondtheveil86: that i vented a little frustration into her.
SmarterChild: That you vented a little frustration into her?
beyondtheveil86: that i did.
SmarterChild: No way?! Really?
beyondtheveil86: really really.
SmarterChild: Aha.

9/26/2004

i'm on fire when you speak

so here we are, my best version yet if i do say so myself.

sky captain kicked ass. its late and i need to go to bed...so i'll write something more tommorow.

so in love with what we were

cuz i'm so in love with what we were...
i'm not breathing i'm suffocating without you!
(do you feel it too?)

all the things left undiscovered, leave me empty and left to wonder...
i need you...
all the things left undiscovered, leave me empty and left to wonder!
i need you...

dont walk away...

prachis party

so ultimately, i guess i'm glad i went. but seriously, i had a crap day and i wasnt in the mood for it at all. my day wasnt even crap, it was actually good. it was slow at b+ps and i got all my homework (3 essays and the chem packet) done. that stuff isn't due until tuesday, tuesday, and thursday, so i'm glad i got it all done. anyway. i wasnt in the mood for the party, but i was trying to have fun anyway, and of course allie tries to make me smile and stuff even though i was FINE and that really kinda depressed me. i hate when i'm fine and people are all whats wrong whats wrong and stuff...then something is wrong and ugh...

then when i finally got up the courage to get up and dance, kasey made a really jackass comment and i completely lost it. he knows better than to say something like that, he really does. he's a dumbass. like seriously he says stuff like that all the time and i hate that. he's too stupid to figure it out. oh yeah, and he's too stupid to realize that if i wanted to, i could dish ultimate dirt on him and he would never in a million years live it down. so far i've been too nice to say it. but i felt a lot better when em hugged the crap out of me (also allie and cav did too) and deal talked to kasey and jill gave me a bandaid and stuff. randy tried to talk to me alot, and it was nice of him but i really didnt want to talk. and then justin comes over and grabs me and he's like shaking me and saying kasey didnt mean it like that he just blah blah blah and he kept shaking me and i was like GAHHH and em was like justin just go away, just go away. and finally he did. and kasey kept trying to talk to me but deal kept intercepting him. i love deal for that, i really do. it was nice of him.

anyway it was a really good party but i wasnt in the mood for it at all.

tommorow nana's taking me out to eat with peter, then im going to see sky captain avec mes amis.

i feel like i have absolutely no free time lately. since tuesday i've been busy every day...

so i'm going to bed, i wanted to stay up and read or something but i need to get some sleep.

nyht. (my new word that i just made up)

9/22/2004

today was MUCH better

much much much better. besides the fact that i was sick all day, it was a good day. you know that chem quiz everyone failed? i got an 80. gym wasn't bad at all, i actually love the new gym teacher and soccer will surely be fun with her. i was playing midfield today, which basically means you run around and don't have to do much. you let the offense be offensive, the defense be defensive, and you basically run around pretending to help them. actually, i do try now and then, i'm not bad at soccer and i dont hate it. i suddenly remembered soccer of 2 years ago, when joe used to like BOOT the ball down the field and it was just amazing. that was when i didnt know him. in compy we had a study. we did fun activities in french and joo was actually funny and not all "i'm so much cooler than you two."

we started self-reliance (by emerson) in english today and i really love it. i spent forever on my response essay and i didnt want to stop writing. its only 2.25 pages double spaced, but i worked hard on it and i hope it is good. i'm still bad at writing essays though.

i also had french homework, and that was easy. i neglected to work on the history stuff which is due monday and will probably take me forever to do.

today was a very good day. my mom took katie and i (and the dog) to west boylston, we went to pinecroft and got ice cream (ohhh nostalgia...ohhh the memories!) and there was a very very hot platinum blonde boy there and i was like wow you're really hot. i didnt say it OUT LOUD obviously... anyway i got a peppermint ice cream and it was da shit.

we went to the rail trail and walked, its 2 miles there and back. lots of funny convos and stuff, but it ended in katie being all bitchy because she wanted deodorant REALLY BAD. when she calmed down my mom agreed to drop us off at CVS, and she went and got her deodorant, and i got AXE ~ Phoenix. it smells unbelievably good. i told vanessa when i got home and we had a fun convo about how axe is hotness in a can. it really is, and it really works. i went on the website and did all these random games and stuff.

did my homework..now i'm writing this.

SO tommorow...it'll be a good day. i have chem first, getting that out of the way, a study/workonallyourassignments period. then precal, we'll go over stuff for the quiz, then compy. i get to hang out with YKW. fix yet another computer. jay and jareds monitor is STILL broken and i laugh in their face. actually- she was out today, maybe she'll be out again tommorow and i'll have that study- then ANOTHER study with franny, then end the day with french and english. after the GSA meeting at lunch, that is. then lyd will come over on the bus, we will hang out and it will be good times. katie convinced my dad not to come tommorow though, so he will be taking us out on next tuesday. then i have work to do from 6:30-8, then the OC is on, and i will have to tape it or "dices" HOPEFULLY i can tape it, but i'm freaking retarded when it comes to stupid things like that.

then friday jack and i are having a movie party and we will watch the oc episode, saved, scary movie 3, edward scissorhands, or whatever we want.

then its the freakin weekend imma bout to have me sum fun!!!! bounce bounce bounce etc.... OHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh r. kelly.

anyway i'm happy now. i need to get to sleep though, its 11 and i get up at 6.

NIGHT!

9/21/2004

blahhhhhhh

its been a very bad 2 weeks. i mean it hasnt been bad...but i just feel like crap right now. i want to make some changes in my life.

i've spent most of the time working my ass off at my level, because i know thats one thing i'm very good at. if i finish this and submit it, and it does well (top 50, i'm hoping) it'll be a major confidence boost for me.

and when it looks like this, i'd say i have a good chance.



i'm sorry i havent been around much lately. blerg.

so anyway i have some things to look forward to. lyd is coming over on thursday and we're hanging out until 6:30 or so, then my dad will probably take katie and i out for dinner somewhere (like he used to every other thursday, but hasnt done in a while. i dont blame him, its been busy) then i will watch the oc. then jack and i (and anyone else that wants too) are having a Saved/Scary Movie 3 movie party on friday. hopefully, anyway.

i have a paper due monday, the 15 page paper has been assigned (due dec 3rd), everything is getting really hard and i havent talked to andrew in a while. he hasnt been going online. i miss him!

i watched one tree hill tongiht..the AIM ad intrigued me. one of the guys was hot (though i'm not a big chad michael murray fan) but otherwise the show was kind of lame. i dont know, maybe i just jumped in at the wrong time. i prefer FOX shows over wb.

so i'm going to bed now, sorry about my miserable rant. i'll get over it soon.

9/16/2004

undiscovered - ashlee simpsons best song

Take it back, take it all back now
The things i gave, like the taste of my kiss on your lips,
I miss that now
I can't try any harder than i do
All the reasons i gave, excuses i made for you
Are broken in two

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you

Don't walk away

Touch me now how i wanna feel
Something so real, please remind me
My love, and take me back
Cuz im so in love with what we were
Im not breathing im suffocating without you
Do u feel it to

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you

When im in the dark and all alone
Dreaming that you'll walk right through my door,
Its then i know my heart is whole
Theres a million reasons why i cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cuz i dont wana be alone

All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you, I need you

Cuz i cant fake and I cant hate
But it's my heart
Thats about to break
You're all i need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed
Would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I want you, theres no doubt
I freak out, I'm left out
Without you, im without
I'm crossed out
I'm kicked out
I cry out
I reach out
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away

9/14/2004

i'm in over my head

school is really sucking. everything is much harder, and even though i know the stuff, i just cant test well. i just cant. not even in french! i can do all these activities in class or problems on the board and memorize worksheets but when i have to take a test its all gone. it sucks, and its not getting any easier. i hate school and i just wish something would change. furthermore, we are not going the 19th and it is doubtful i'll get to go at all. if my mom takes me, it will become a family thing and i really dont want that. karl and michelle can stay at home and i will be fine.

oh god, i really do feel like shit though. i ran the mile in 9:14. my chem quiz didnt go that well, nor did the "easy" pre-cal quiz. she does stuff on the board and its so easy, but then she gives us the same type of problem on a quiz, EXCPET with exponents and complicated equations. things dont work that way, you're supposed to give hard ones on the board so people know how to do them. blerg.

i feel like i'm in over my head in almost all my class.

per 1- gym, i just hate it and it sucks and i either have to suffer or fail.
per 2- french, i get french really well but i hate taking quizzes.
per 3- english, it started as over my head but i will be all right for now. its only going to get harder though, and the books are supposed to be hard.
per 4- chem, its only easy because we're doing safety stuff so far, and she assigns homework almost every night and i just want to smack her.
per 5- history, its just way over my head and that packet thats worth a test grade i finished, but i did a crap job on it because i completely DO NOT get it.
per 6- precal, its "easy" now, but as in french quizzes are hard. oh yea and I HATE MATH.
per 7- compy, even that is different this year. its going to be all hardware stuff, and while that can be fun i dont know much about it, and i really really loathe brian richards and i hope he dies a slow painful death. now, perhaps?

the only class i really feel secure in (compy and french aside...just because they're hard dont mean im insecure) is study. because thats where i can get things done, i hate doing hoemwork at home. i really cant, i just hate it. so study is good. but i wish it was every day, like last period. i dont like gym at all and its unfair that we have to take it. and run the mile, for that matter. AND play soccer after the mile, for that matter. mr greenwald also needs to die slowly and painfully.

i just want it to be friday so i can get all dressed up and shit, wear my sirius black outfit at some point during the week, and then it will be homecoming, and then hopefully i can take sunday off and go to 6 flags. with whoever, i really dont care. as long as karl and michelle aren't involved, that is.

as for the rest of the week, i'm not in the mood for it.

i'm sorry i'm so miserable lately but theres nothing i can do. all these fuckass quizzes, that trial in history (i didnt even do bad and it still had me wicked upset) and i just cant do it.

i'm probably just not in the right mindset for school yet. it needs to hurry up and be christmas vaca already...

anyway, thats enough miserable ranting for now, bye

9/11/2004

woo! all done :)

so i had it orange/purple for a while...and it lookd good..but i think it looks better all orange. i love th ecolor orange. and the song hella good. and samurai's and stuff. AND the phrase "va voir dehors si j'y suis" feel free to ask me what it means..its fun hehe.

so i was in a chat and several IM's last night, and i dont remember ending any of them, but all i know is my away message was up when i woke up, i was signed out of my comp, and the monitor was off. i dont remember going to sleep either. its so weird! usually if i fall asleep during a chat, i dont wake up in my bed. or logged out, and away. its just strange, is all.

its almost like i was knocked out with a tranq dart. o_O i dont remember going to sleep! its weird.

hehe i think i'm gonna recode the bzoink quizzes to make them match the design, and make it so blogger puts less posts on one page. its too big!

OMG-

today is 9/11. time has flown, hasnt it? that was years ago. i bet west boylston will get a bunch of patrons to see fahrenheit today.

well anyway, i give my respects to those who died and those who had to witness it firsthand. that must have been terrible. i hate thinking about 9/11 though, it makes me wicked depressed.

bush better not get re-elected.

9/10/2004

bear with me...

bear with me while i make a new version. this isn't it, dont worry.

bZoink! - the zen quiz

the zen quiz

Created by zendeomen and taken 583 times on bzoink!

have you ever
started a small scale revolutionnope...
tackled an athlete playing a game while you were a spectatori dont watch games.
been arrested, what for?for fucking your mom.
used a rhyming dictionaryhttp://rhymezone.com
been suspended, what for?same as 2 above.
impersonated the popeyes, because i do that all the time.
shook hands with the devilgeorge bush? nope, never met him...
created one of these quizes?not a bZoink one, no.
single handedly collapsed a nations economy?well I didn't vote for bush..
tell me more about yourself
forget your name, what name do you go bycrack.
what name do you wish you went by495. (inside joke).
what color do you wish your hair wasplatinum blonde. TOM FELTON IS HOT.
and your eyes?blue.
what do you want to be when you grow up?your mom!
who is your role model? besides mei'll seriously think about that, i dunno.
whats your favorite...
3 bandslinkin park, switchfoot, black eyed peas.
3 songdare you to move, you get me, lets get it started. (i cant pick only 3 :/)
3 moviescrouching tiger/hidden dragon, kill bill, the ring.
3 booksharry potter 3, 5, and lirael.
colorblack, orange, blue, purple, red, green.
day of the weekfriday.
way to say \quoi?
time of dayany time after 10PM.
time of yearsummer.
holidayxmas, my bday, all hallows eve (halloween for you dumbasses out there)
would you...
become a vampire and be eternally damnedsure, why not?
make someone else oneisn't that the point?
would you make me one?just to piss you off.
do something just because you said you wouldall the time, its called a PROMISE.
go back and change time, not knowing the effect it would havei love time travel!
sights unseen
do you believe in godnope.
or fate?i have so many theories on fate/destiny/time travel...
how bout satan?we have enough evil on this planet to go around.
heaven, hell?reincarnation.
if there\'s a hell are you going there?probably...for various reasons.
believe in ghosts?no, not ghosts. a memory, preserved in a diary for fifty years...oh..sorry!
life on other planetswe're not the ONLY ones!
wicca?it sounds cool, havent heard much about it.
magick in generalkicks ass! i love you jk rowling!
heart on your sleeve
ever been in love?i thought so.
are you now?erm. i wouldnt call it love. i dont know quite WHAT it is.
would you die for that person?hmmm...
do you have a super-heroe complex?eh?
are you getting over it?i dont know.
have you ever held your true feelings inside you?all the time. all the fucking time. even now.
sucks dont it?i had a comment but i'll supress it.
are you talking to yourself zen?eh?
finish the following...
if love is for suckers...no its not! you biatch!
if there is a hell...then JB is going there. (no offense, but he says it himself :p)
if you lose everything...get it all back!
if no one's there...find someone.
more questions
how many people in your life have you hatedplenty. there are so many morons out there.
and loved?i dont know, a lot.
and lied to...tough question?white lies- a lot. black lies- not many.
say what you think when you read these words
buddhaenlightenment.
zengarden.
lovestinks.
religionsucks.
lifepuppy.
goodsex. with your mom!
teardrop.
botchla?qu'est-ce que c'est?
flamespark.
fallmist.
bloodpain.
angeldasani (a bottle was in front of me).
outcastis a crappy band.
scarsharry potter.
awakenlirael.
screamblood-curdling.
paulfrank.
moshpit.
hurtful.
rainbowgayness!
thurpl3stop making up words!
punkdrives me crazy.
americais evil!
fascismitaly.
rickpeter. (my uncles b/f is rick).
musicis awesome.
hitlermafia. so random, i know...
silverand cold.
this is the end
what will be your last wordsi love you.
quote the biblewhy?
quoth the ravennever more...

Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

...becomes my mother on the phone

hehehe i just thought of that. so who knows the song "mother" by the police?

its wicked funny, its about how moms are so annoying and wont leave you alone. a bit of lyrics, then a funny story:

well the telephone is ringing. is that my mother on the phone?
telephone is ringing. is that my mother on the phone?
the telephone is screaming! wont she leave me alone?
the telephone is ringing, is that my mother on the phone?

every girl i go out with, becomes my mother in the end.
every girl i go out with, becomes my mother in the end.
i hear my mother calling, but i dont need her as a friend.
well every girl i go out with, becomes my mother in the end.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhhh ...MOTHER...

creepiest sounding song EVER.

anyway thats all you need. so this was AGES ago. but the funny story is still great. i was singing it for some reason, and katie forgot the words and tried to sing it, and it came out like this:

every girl i go out with, becomes my mother on the phone. it sounds lame now, but it was so fucking funny at the time. i laughed my ass off for like 10 minutes.

===================================

so i went to nate's to do the pies today. besides my (insert something slightly less of hatred here) of the seilers (because they're so freaking strange) it wasn't bad. no thomas, i am not lying. or am i?

so em was on the phone leaving a message for her mom, and she said "were almost done" and thomas went on this big shpiel about how we werent, and he was like THATS A LIE. i was like fuck you thomas you say everyone's lying and i hate you. lol. thomas is so cool. i'm lying. thomas doesn't need to cut his hair. i'm lying. thomas is a hot sexy beast. I'M LYING!

lol. thats my thomas rant........

so anyway. this is my entry for now, maybe more later. i'm tired...

9/08/2004

latest revelation:

try orange sherbert with lemonade. its SO FREAKING GOOD. i just took a mug, put orange sherbert in it, and added some lemonade. its yum-tastic.

http://www.larashome.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=12784 (what i've been working on)

so yeah...i really need to do my english essay. sucks that it was the only homework i had. i mean come on, i get everything done in study and i have an essay left over. i hate essays. i'm horrible at them.

i'll write more if i get it done before 10. i will also have some more orangadesherbertjuice.

9/03/2004

new version for 50th post!

actually i made the new version for the hell of it, THEN realized it was the 50th post.

SO! news flash: i dont wanna go to my dads. neither does katie. i'm afraid WW3 is going to happen on the ride, since katie is wicked pissed at him and will probably bring up the things i told her not to bring up.

i am quite enraged with him as well, but i'm going to pretend i'm not. i just dont want to go. we didnt tell him we had today off, and we're not telling him about monday either. this way, we have more time at home. otherwise i'd already be over there, and he'd probably keep us until monday. sooo not happening.

so yesterday wasn't tres eventful...we had the GSA meeting and now we will have 2 new members- ian said he would join and kasey told me justin wanted to join *wink wink at someone*

we have to get 15+ people to get the discounted tickets which should be about $23. i'm psyched!

anyway the gsa is off to a good start this year, i just hope we figure out the 6 flags trip soon enough. we kinda have to lol.

SO. blarg. i reeaalllly dont wanna go to my dads. GAHHHH.

ok i'm gonna play some RE or prince of persia or something, i'm bored with this.

hope you like the new version!